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Duaa Hassan
Duaa Hassan
Becon House School System
The Enchanted Tree Part 2
Published On Nov 2nd 2012
Total Comments : 5
Total Views :  612
4 People Like this!


Rank 7 Out of 10
The walls were not painted very well and were not very strong. The floor was dirty and the walls had stickers of girls pasted stiffly on it. It seemed to them like it was a girl’s room.
Daphne Freddie lay down two blue trolley bags. Freddie laid the children on them and they at first explored    the house. The house had four large bedrooms, one kitchen, a terrace and two other rooms which seemed like dining room and drawing room. The two of the four bedrooms also had a balcony. Then Freddie and Daphne went back and laid the blankets and stuff. Freddie picked up both the children and laid them on the mattress sort of thing. The night was over in a minute although everybody slept peacefully. Everybody woke up late the next morning it was a very busy and a short day. Everybody at first had their breakfast and then mom and dad started to unpack things. Meanwhile Susan and Shaggy explored the house. “Susan! Shaggy! Come and help me!” “Coming mom.  Just a minute. We were exploring our new house. Mother, can we just checkout our lawn and backyard?” “You can go at 5:00 p.m. till that time, come and help me.”
Watch out for the next part........... Coming soon
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Comments 5
Soha I agree Khadija and Urwa. Anyway, as a friend I would like to request u to publish it as a novel. It would be just cool!(If u want to;of course) and one more thing that pleaseeeeeeeeee add me as your friend Duaa. Pleaseeeeee!!!! Soha
Jan 5th 2013
Momina REALLY INTERESTING AGAIN ON MY WAY TO THE NEXT PART!!!!!!! oops i didnt realize that caps lock was on.. ps, if u want u should publish this as a novel.... that would be cool Momina
Dec 21st 2012
Urwa There are grammar mistakes. For example, 1) "Daphne Freddie lay down two blue trolley bags." It should be, "Daphne and Freddie lay down two blue trolley bags." 2) "Everybody woke up late the next morning it was a very busy and a short day. " Here, either you can make two sentences out of it, i.e. "Everybody woke up late the next morning. It was a very busy and short day." Or you could put a semicolon, i.e. "Everybody woke up late the next morning;it was a very busy and a short day." But I would prefer making it into two sentences. Overall, nice story, but the name of your story is The Enchanted Tree, and there's no mention of a tree in the first two parts. If this were a novel, it woould be okay, but people wouldn't be interested if you wrote so many parts without even mentioning the title. Urwa
Dec 5th 2012
Duaa What sorts of mistakes are there in it Khadija? Duaa
Nov 6th 2012
Khadijah I can't understand because they are mistakes.Check your work before giving it for approval. Khadijah
Nov 3rd 2012

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