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Hamza Ahmad
Hamza Ahmad
Jawahir Al Riyadh International School
The Ghost Of Compact Island
Published On Aug 20th 2016
Total Comments : 14
Total Views :  324
3 People Like this!

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Rank 8 Out of 10
Once upon a time there were two friend names Ali and Aslam, both of them were best friends. They lived in Toronto, Canada. One day they planned to explore the Compact Island. On Friday they went to the island on the boat. At 5 PM they reached the island. They anchored the boat on the beach. They put the luggage out of the boat and pegged the tent on the shore. At night they ate sausages and went to sleep. At 2 AM they heard the voice of groaning. They woke up and open the window to saw what is happing outside. They saw a green light which soon disappeared. They calm down each other and went to sleep. In the morning they went to explore the island and saw that there was a foot print on the mud they took the pictures and went to the sea shore to enjoy the environment. The ate peaches, apple, apricot and pineapple. at night the ate fishes and went to sleep. in the morning Aslam woke up and saw that Ali was not in his bed. He went outside and saw that Ali was dead. Aslam made the grave and put Ali in it. At night Aslam saw the ghost and start reading quran. In 5 minutes the ghost was dead. The next day the people of compact island came back and say thank you to aslam. The king gave Ali $500,000 and sent back to Toronto.
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Comments 14
ifsah The tenses were incorrect as well as the events jumped and left a lot of detail behind...but the story's idea was nice and further strive would enhance its quality Ifsah
Nov 2nd 2016
 
 
jasmine Needs some improvement but good try! Jasmine
Oct 29th 2016
 
 
Noorish ..... and u call this a haunted story! huh! not at all haunted Noorish
Sep 14th 2016
 
 
Abdul Ahad First ali died then he got 500,000$ Abdul Ahad
Sep 4th 2016
 
 
Berha Umm.. Have to say it wasn't that good. Tenses were incorrect, there was nothing about the king. "They calm down each other and went to sleep" is also wrong (I copied it from the story for examples) Happing is not a word. And you're going very quickly to, such as: They reached at 5 you skipped to night where they ate sausages then 2 am they heard voices. You didn't mention the parts where they took permission from their parents. I still don't know their ages, if they're young then somebody must've come with. Describe everything with details, I would detail the last part and beginning also middle. Otherwise good! Sorry if it offended you Berha
Sep 3rd 2016
 
 
Sarah The story doesn't make sense. The reader gets confused with so many things happening at once. You should make the story longer, describing each event carefully. Your grammar was also wrong. You kept switching tenses in the middle of the story. Also, what was the foot print? Did the ghost kill Ali? You should explain these things in the story. Anyway, it was a good effort. Keep writing more and you'll improve! :) Sarah
Aug 29th 2016
 
 
aiza Good try Aiza
Aug 27th 2016
 
 
Irza Nice Irza
Aug 26th 2016
 
 
Wania Great. Wania
Aug 22nd 2016
 
 
Wania Great. Wania
Aug 22nd 2016
 
 
Ahsan Poor! improve it Ahsan
Aug 22nd 2016
 
 
Hamza Excellent Hamza
Aug 21st 2016
 
 
Ahmed Good try Ahmed
Aug 20th 2016
 
 
Admin Nice!!! keep it up... I am admin and I would try my best to approve your stuff fast ... Admin
Aug 20th 2016
 
 

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