Once upon a time there was a girl named INAYA. She was 10years old. It was her exams going on. When she was near to school so she saw a very horrible accident firstly she scared and wanted to run but when she saw injured so she called to the hospital. They sent an ambulance then the injured was taken to the hospital. Then she went to the police station and report was given to the police. When this hustle bustle was over, she remembered her school and her school exam. She was already late and her exam was ruined. She was very upset. She went to home very sadly. When she reached home, her mother told her that there was a call from police headquarters to recommend you for a citizen award. She was very happy when that injured was feeling better. After few weeks the injured family invited INAYA as she helped the injured
I mean that this story's like, this happened, then that happened, then this happened, THE END. Know what I mean? You're rushing it. The idea is awesome. But if you explain every detail that first Inaya saw the accident, describe the gruesome scene.Describe how Inaya felt afterher exam. Get the picture? So that the reader IMAGINES everything in his/her mind. And then it'll become more exciting for the reader.
Um, good.. but don't you think the way of telling the story is childish for a 12 year old?? The idea of the story is great, but if you would just explain everything instead of rushing it, it would be a mature story;)