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Ellina Fatima
Ellina Fatima
Beaconhouse
The Old Building
Published On Nov 4th 2013
Total Comments : 25
Total Views :  706
5 People Like this!

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Rank 7 Out of 10
When Mr. Sam entered the room no#2 he heard some whispers that are in another language he was so scared that he started to tremble with fear that voices can be heard from anywhere of the room the damp and dark room that he started to shiver it was like that inside his bones he can feel his fear and suddenly the door flew open! Mr. Sam was almost scared to death a black cat with red eyes entered the room it's eyes were on Mr. Sam as the cat started taking rounds around him it was taking the shape of a witch and the last part grew the head the cat has been changed into a witch with so much fear he gave a startled cry and screamed so loudly that suddenly the witch disappeared.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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Comments 25
mathilda Stop criticizing people :) let her try :) gud one ;) Mathilda
Jan 17th 2014
 
 
Tooba Aliyaa madam no need to be so rude Tooba
Dec 26th 2013
 
 
Affan Seriously only to sentences and too short. make it unless 1 page that is half a page and then write to be continued or whatever. show of don't be such a show of to say i have a story that is to be continued. Affan
Dec 17th 2013
 
 
qasim Nothing else.i suggest not to write again.i knew it hurts sooo much Qasim
Dec 13th 2013
 
 
Ellina People m sure the episode no 2 is on its way! Ellina
Dec 8th 2013
 
 
Fatima Dumb Fatima
Dec 8th 2013
 
 
Umer Great story Umer
Dec 8th 2013
 
 
Raweeha When is TO BE CONTINUED going to come? Raweeha
Dec 7th 2013
 
 
Qasim Wow! how stupid it is Qasim
Dec 4th 2013
 
 
Raweeha So good...and when is the TO BE CONTINUED going to come. sorry if im being rude but I hope I didn't hurt your feelings. Raweeha
Dec 3rd 2013
 
 
raveeha It's gud but make it longer and plz don't show off,i mean what does it matter if someone studies in a british school and the 1s who are pointing out your mistakes want to make you improve,not hurt you (nor do i,by the way) Raveeha
Dec 2nd 2013
 
 
raveeha It's gud but make it longer and plz don't show off,i mean what does it matter if someone studies in a british school and the 1s who are pointing out your mistakes want to make you improve,not hurt you (nor do i,by the way) Raveeha
Dec 2nd 2013
 
 
Ellina Plz Aliya if u r a slow writer and want ur story to be perfect than I am not a slow writer and I was living in England before i came in faisalabad so alway's watch ur words! Ellina
Nov 30th 2013
 
 
unaiza Assalam o Alaikum, Aliyaa dear, If you see some mistake in something you must be the first one to correct it, instead of mocking someone on such basis, from whatever you have said about studying in a British school it does not show any good manners on your part, it shows the lack of manners that you have, each and every person on this earth has a right to study but if he/she is not studying in British/good one, it does not mean that you show off in front of that person, it may be that one day Ellina becomes a very good writer than anyone else. So rather than criticizing or showing off you must prove to be a helping hand because helping is also caring. (I have said this because even I must correct the wrong thing in the society and this is for your good. I meet no offence nor do I want to insult or hurt you). Unaiza
Nov 18th 2013
 
 
unaiza I think it would have been much much better if you would've checked your grammar because there are some mistakes and the story doesnot seem to be in a sequence which makes it quite difficult for the reader to understand it. I hope you cover these mistakes and come up with the best one:) Unaiza
Nov 16th 2013
 
 
Muhammad Muslim It's good but make it a bit loooooooooooooonger ! Muhammad Muslim
Nov 16th 2013
 
 
KHAN Will it come soon even with that it was scary I give it a 8 out of 10 Khan
Nov 16th 2013
 
 
Ali Extremely funny Ali
Nov 15th 2013
 
 
Momina You should have left some suspense behind and probably wrote a longer story before writing to be continued then it would be more interesting not so ridiculous Momina
Nov 13th 2013
 
 
Momina Make your grammar a teeny bit better and your stories could be the awesomest on VShine :) Not trying to be rude, they are very good! Momina
Nov 10th 2013
 
 
dua To be continued??? what are you trying to prove? Dua
Nov 10th 2013
 
 
Aliyaa I think you have not used right English.I bet you don't study in a british school but I do. Aliyaa
Nov 9th 2013
 
 
ajwa I think u could do much much better Ajwa
Nov 7th 2013
 
 
Irum What the heck??? Irum
Nov 7th 2013
 
 
Gul Noor Short but not bad:) Gul Noor
Nov 6th 2013
 
 

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